My personal project last week was to think of why brilliant people are not always successful. Over the years, I have had ample opportunities to meet people of all walks of life. I have seen some very smart people from high school go on and succeed in college and in their current careers, but I also know people who I have considered to be truly brilliant, fail miserably to get promoted or even have a good relationship. When it is all said and done, are you remembered for your brilliance or are you remembered more for your attitude than anything else? It seems we defer to so called experts in the media all the time, yet I find myself paying very little attention to anyone if they lack charm or are too abrasive from the get go. While book smarts are important, one can’t discount personality from the equation.
All of this adds up to two words I’m sure English teachers say all the time: effective communication. If you sound like you do not know what you are talking about, people will think you are an idiot, and if you sound too smart and talk over people’s heads, then you still are not communicating well. You need to know your audience and you need to charm them. It seems that people are not interested in rewarding hard work and dedication, they are more interested in complimentary personalities. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.
Our school system really pushes book smarts while our political system and Hollywood are all about charm and fluff (minus uncharming GW). Someone who is brilliant but lacks motivation and is abrasive will not go as far as someone who struggles but works hard and is easier to get along with.
The individual that sees everyone else as competition will struggle more when it comes time to work as a team and being more inclusive. I know I have always been very competitive but am still working on making the teams that I play for work but it can be difficult when you have too many strong egos involved.
Is charm something that can be learned? Probably, but you have to work at learning how to say the right things to make others like being around you.
Here are some tips that I picked up from a Sales seminar I watched:
Regardless of all the differences that people have, almost 99% of people make smalltalk when asked to comment on the weather. It is amazing, but I bet the one thing you have ever talked to about with every person you’ve ever met is the weather.
When meeting someone again, make sure you ask them about their family, like their wife, of kids. If you know their names even better, inquire about their health or hobbies by name.
Manage people from the outside in, meaning, ask coworkers to contribute to the solution, don’t just boss people around.
Remember people are people first. Treat people as individuals and get to know them before trying to do business with them.
Use egos to drive improvement. If a person is a take charge kind of person, while another person is better at keeping things organized, put them together. This way you’ll have a person improvising and the other person making sure it is done properly.