The Gay Jedi Mind Trick

The next Star Wars film is due shortly in theaters across the US, and once again I can not resist the urge to write a short rant on how gay the actual Star Wars Universe is.

Not that I particularly hate Star Wars or anything, and not that a gay reading of Star Wars is the only one possible, because even before I thought of it as gay, I tended to criticize it as a piece that reinforced colonialism; this reading is especially interesting now because the new trilogy is all about how the Republic was broken up to institute the dictatorship of The Emperor.

After watching the Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back film, and seeing how Kevin Smith poked fun at himself and his characters, I thought, wow, maybe Star Wars really is gay, and I’m not stretching this out as much as I thought. So without further hesitation, here is why Stars Wars is totally gay:

The crisis in the story is all about Anakin and how he becomes Darth Vader and later of course saves the galaxy by joining his son Luke in destroying the Emperor. Most people would interpret this story as a simply good versus evil, but if we learned anything from postmodernism, I would say that the real catalyst for Anakin is his sexual identity.

In Episode One, Anakin is a child and he has no sexual relationships. This is when he meets Padme Amidala, perhaps the only other woman besides his mother who he has a relationship with. At the same time, he also meets the Jedis and is set on a path that will lead him to become a Jedi himself. Once he is separated from his mother and Padme, he becomes inducted into the Master-Pupil relationship of the Jedi society. If you know your classical works, specifically Plato and Socrates, you recognize at least some small hint of homo-eroticism in the Jedi order. Namely that the Jedi relationship with their pupils is indeed based on classical Greek and Roman education. Padme herself talks about her own political career and how it comes about; her very description of it points to Plato’s own The Republic. The Jedi order is exactly the same, a Jedi owns no property and is educated to serve the society.

When Anakin then meets Padme again, he is older and by now he has already been inducted into the order of the Jedi, almost graduating to full Jedi. What the films never talk about is that Padme is older than Anakin and wiser, and while Anakin lacks world experience and perhaps wisdom, Padme is an observant and practical politician. She herself understands her position and the restrictions it has placed upon her personally. I’m not entirely secure in this, but I see Padme as being gay herself. She does not really love Anakin as a sexual partner, but she does pity him and she does see an advantage to maintaining her own freedom in a society that approves of males being somewhat gay, but frowns upon the notion of lesbianism. In Star Wars, the universe is still male dominated and women while having positions of power, still do not hold the position of true independant agency. Padme chooses to give herself to Anakin, but Anakin is one confused male. It is only with his mother’s passing that he gains any real focus, because unlike Padme who only pities him and the Jedi Council who only see him as a tool, a soldier, his mother was in fact the only person who actually did love him unconditionally. It remains to be seen if Padme later abondons Anakin or if the actual physical relationship of straight sex turns him off completely to sex and leads him to the path of becoming Darth Vader, the ultimate Jedi eunuch.

Since Star Wars takes so much from Greek Tragedy, and the Gods never forget, it is only fitting that the sexual identity crisis continues in the family and that years later a brother and sister, find themselves kissing and having feelings for eachother. I also have some doubts about Han and Chewy being straight too, and as for Lando, perhaps the only character that comes close to not being gay, I think of him as being bi-sexual at the very least. He had a thing for Han too.

I should end this with a mention of The Empire and just how gay they are. While the Jedi Council maintains a Master-Pupil relationship, the darkside Jedis make no secret of their sexual preference. The Empire abhores even the presence of women. I have yet to see a female in their ranks. Their army of male clones is of course the most evident sign that they have completely abondoned women for all purposes, not just for sex, but even for reproduction.

Simply the Male Phallis is everywhere in Star Wars.